The Core of relations: fear or love

I was watching the web series "Aspirant" yesterday and remembered the civil services preparation day. No doubt the days were full of fun, fear, and anxiety. We were a few friends preparing together for the civil services at Old Rajendra Nagar. Some of us could clear civil services while others cleared PCS and others moved to alternative professions.

India is a developing country and many of us come from a very poor background. That's why the result of this exam has a huge impact on the lives of the aspirants. The one who can make it get the opportunities to interact with the top brass of the society while performing their duties which otherwise is quite a distant dream for the people with such background. Not only that they make decisions that impact the masses and therefore they carry a lot of influence in society. 

During the preparation for civil services, all the aspirants leave their homes. This is a phase of extreme insecurity with neither parents nor any of the relatives available for emotional support. That is the reason that aspirants form very thick bonds among themselves. They support each other in the phase of extreme insecurity. However, the real test of these bonds comes when one of the friends is selected and the other is not. The first one moves to the academy to get the training while the second one keeps struggling for the next attempt with much heightened insecurity and fear. Many a time, in this phase the spell of allegations and counter-allegations commences, and the relations deteriorate.

I feel that at the core of this deterioration lies the foundation of the relations. I have a strong feeling that in the long run, only those relationships can pass the test of time which are based on love. Most of the relationships, on the other hand, are based on fear or functional needs. Such relationships will survive so long as fear or functional need continues in both partners. The moment one is done with the fear or one's functional need is over, that's an alarming bell for the relationship. That is the reason why we don't see many of the worldly relations unworkable in this world. Most people are not enjoying the relationships and just carrying them as a burden due to the fear of being socially outcasted or under some sort of moral burden or a possible future functional need.

Probably, we have not understood what love is. We have not experienced the richness and depth of love-based relationships. Love is not at all a possession. Love starts with the melting of "I". So long as "I" remains, the relationship is just a use case for this "I". I love you because you make me feel secure, happy, and comfortable. That is not love at all rather that's just a possession.  

Probably love can not begin unless one connects to the true self. As this connection is established, one starts realizing the true bliss inside. One's dependency on external objects, such as money, relationships, position, and power, reduces significantly. One feels secure and contended internally. In this state, one realizes that the same consciousness manifests in the form of different human beings. He develops a deep compassion for his fellow human beings and starts connecting to them at the core. When one tries to connect to fellow human beings with love, some human beings prefer possession to love. In such a state, it will not be possible to have a relationship grounded in true love. Probably love-based relationship is possible only when both human beings have come out of the mode of possession. Such a relationship amplifies the true bliss like the interference of the wave wherein two or more waves superpose to form a resultant wave of a much greater amplitude.