Fundamental reasons for anger and frustration

Often we come across situations in life where we get irritated or angry with the unreasonable behaviour of somebody. The reasonability of the behavior is quite a subjective attribute. It all depends upon the culture of a society or organization and the life goals of the individual. For example, in a society, asking for a dowry may be quite reasonable while in some other societies, it may be quite unreasonable. Similarly, even in a society where the demand for dowry is considered to be reasonable, for a person who believes in gender equality, such demand may be quite unreasonable.

Similarly, in certain organizations demand bribes may be quite widely acceptable. The employees as well as the customers may consider the demand for bribes to be quite reasonable. However, certain demands may be considered to be unreasonable where the benefit to the customer is not commensurate with the amount of the bribe. On the other hand, for an employee of the organization having a personal commitment to integrity and honesty, such behavior may appear to be unreasonable.

Similarly, some people may have huge regard for the value of time. Such people would like to reach the office on time and meet their commitments with respect to time. While for certain people, coming late is quite an acceptable phenomenon. Such people may find the behavior of the people insisting on maintaining the timings of office or meetings to be quite unreasonable.

So far so good. However, the problem arises when we start getting irritated and angry with the unreasonable behavior. The frequency of such irritation and anger depends upon the instances of unreasonability. If an individual believes in systems in an unsystematic society, he would encounter more instances of unreasonableness. The moment we take a path that is different from the generally accepted path by the society we live in, we are bound to encounter greater unreasonableness.

Now coming to reaction, such reactions of anger and frustration have typically two fundamental elements. Firstly, we get irritated due to personal outcomes. For example, a person who is dishonest and sycophant gets greater rewards in terms of promotions and growth in the organization while the one following integrity is punished. Such outcomes naturally make the honest angry. However, there appears to be a misplaced expectation, in the mind of the honest, with respect to the reward of honesty. The reward of honesty is never in the form of growth in the organization. It is always in the form of inner strength and contentment. For example, when somebody decides to stay back in India ignoring the race to go abroad to take care of the parents, the reward of such a decision can not be measured in terms of the pay package. One has already made a choice with respect to the relative insignificance of the pay package and the reward for such a decision will always be in terms of emotional bondage with parents. Similarly, the honest will have to ignore the outcomes in terms of growth in the organizational hierarchy and appreciate inner strength and contentment.

Secondly, and more importantly, one needs to analyze whether what the dishonest person is getting as a reward is actually a reward or a punishment. If the honest was also tempted to get these positions and due to the decision to be honest, he could not get these positions then probably he has taken a stupid decision. He has not been intelligent enough to weigh different options. However, if seen from a different vantage point, all these rewards may be actually punishments. If a person wants freedom, why would he like to aim for more and more bondages? For a person who is moving along the spiritual path, money or any comfort associated with money, positions, and rewards associated with the positions naturally lose their value. He understands the futility and temporariness of the sensations that are experienced as a result of money and positions.

A person moving along the spiritual path therefore needs to continuously introspect the irritations and frustrations within. Whether such irritations are the result of any conflicting ambitions or misplaced understanding of the laws of nature. The greatest reward of nature for moving along the spiritual path is freedom and contentment. One becomes free to explore the world with this contentment. The people moving along the materialistic path get the materialistic rewards in terms of money and positions. The people moving along the emotional path get rewards in terms of emotional bondage. The people moving along the spiritual path get rewards in terms of inner peace and freedom. As this understanding sinks in, anger and frustration slowly disappear.