Helping Others

We all keep getting a lot of forwarded posts on WhatsApp that motivate us to help others. I am often surprised and forced to contemplate as to what is the meaning of helping others. The moment somebody is "other", and different from "me" how can I help. The moment I want to help some "other person", there has to be some motivation for "me" to help that "other".

Such motivation to "me" is mostly in the form of social validation, name and fame, and sometimes in the form of a feel-good factor. We are too burdened by greed, jealousy, guilt, ambitions, and aggression that we have accumulated within ourselves. These deeds of helping others make us feel better. We feel as if we have given some bribe to the forces of nature to take care of our well-being in the future, and now we can afford to be more greedy, jealous, ambitious, and aggressive in life. 

Does that actually work? I have a strong feeling that most of the time "helping others" just makes us more ego-centric. Most of the time, it just inflates our ego of being "helpful". At times, that inflation of ego is subtle and it exists in the form of an internal feeling. Sometimes though that inflation of ego is recognised by the society and such a person is "respected" in the society for being a well-wisher of the needy. Sometimes, such helpfulness acts as a support mechanism for the ones passing through the phases of guilt and insecurity. It supports the ego gaining some strength in the form of perceived supernatural support as a reward for good deeds.

Does that mean that one should not help others? Not at all. I do not mean that at all. What matters most is the state of mind while helping. So long as "I" am helping "others", there will always be an expectation for the consideration in different forms discussed above. However, the moment "I" realize that the "other" person has a connection with me, there is no expectation of consideration. After all, when we help our kids and parents, we do not have that feeling of helping "others". We have the feeling of contributing to our own family.

This connection can not be presumed at the level of mind. Even if we try to fool our minds by superimposing certain assumptions or theories based on certain scriptures, the unconscious mind is strong enough to throw away all such assumptions. The division between "I" and the "others" is so strong that that division will always overpower these unrealized assumptions. 

We can not realize that connection between "I" and the "others" unless we first connect to ourselves. We understand that "I" is different from the mind. Howsoever, we understand that at the level of intellect, such understanding is not going to help us until and unless we experience that "I" to be different from my mind and body. The moment we experience that difference, we also understand and appreciate that the "other" is also different from his body and mind. With that understanding comes the realization of the connection between "me" and the "other" and that realization gives "me" the motivation to help "other" in such a state helping others is not ego-boosting but rather is ego-melting.