Insecurity

One of the biggest lessons of my life is that an insecure person can never be secure howsoever amount of security is provided. Unless a person grows independent, he will always feel insecure. Whatever support system an insecure person gets, he will become more and more insecure. Each support system will bring the fear of losing that alongside. Unless he gets the confidence to acquire the same on his own, one is never going to feel secure.

Kids need to learn this lesson quite early in their life. Whenever we face tough situations, where our survival is threatened, there are two possible approaches to face these situations. Either we may feel weak and seek some help to come out of the situation. If we have good luck, we will get some or the other help. However, that will make us weaker and the next time we face such a difficulty, we will again be dependent on the help that may never come.

On the other hand, when a difficult time comes, we may take it as a challenge and try to work on our strengths. Working on our strengths makes us stronger and not only does it help to resolve the difficulty at hand but also enables us to face similar or greater difficulties in the future. If we examine a little carefully, in the first approach, we feel disconnected from the divine. We feel that we are different from God and therefore start doubting Him. God will always bring the solution in some form that definitely requires certain efforts on our part. Since we have little faith in God, we do not trust the path shown by the divine, feel weak and helpless, and start crying for help. On the other hand, the one who trusts the divine can clearly see the guidance of the divine and he moves on the footsteps of the divine. Thus, he not only finds a way out of the problems but also strengthens himself for the future.

I feel that the people who do not learn this simple lesson of life, remain in a constant state of fear. In this constant state of fear, they start getting trapped in negative emotions like jealousy and doubt. With the passage of time, their fears grow stronger and they move farther from the divine. They start doubting the same person who provided them all the support system due to their inherent fear of losing the same person. They want more and more support, failing to realize that the problem lies in the disconnection with the divine at a deeper level. No amount of support system is going to remove the fears that are due to that disconnection. By continuously doubting their support system, eventually, they end up losing even that.

While attending the Vipassana camps, we listen to the videos of Shri S N Goenka in the evenings. In one of the lectures, he says that the biggest help to any human being is to help him move toward the realization of reality. To help him establish a connection with the divine. To help a "unit" connect to the "whole". So long as the "unit" is disconnected, whatever help and support is provided, will only strengthen the fears of the "unit". No amount of support systems in this material world is going to make the "unit" feel secure. At best they will make the "unit" further dependent and fearful.