"Love", "I" and "you"

Probably, one of the most often-used phrases in the English language is "I love you". Whenever I hear this phrase, I often wonder whether there is a possibility of "love" so long as "I" and "you" continue. So long as "I" is different from "you", there can at best be a feeling of like. 

"Love" is an altogether different feeling. The starting point of "love" is the realization of oneness. "I" can love "you" only in two possible scenarios. Either "I" feels itself to be a part of "You" which happens in the case of pure Bhakti where a Bhakta like Hanumana feels himself to be part of Rama. Or love may be there where "I" feels "You" to be a part of "I" which happens in the case of a parent-child relationship where parents feel kids to be their part. In such situations, there is no division between "I" and "You" and therefore "love" is possible.

In normal worldly relationships, where the boundaries of "I" are clearly defined, where is the scope for love? At best there may be an exchange between "I" and "you". "I" gets something from "you" and "you" get something from "I". So long both "I" and "you" feel adequately compensated, the relationship continues. Most of these exchanges are in the form of intangibles. For example, in many relationships "I" appears to be a giver because "I" gives money but actually "I" may be the taker since "I" receives respect or fame in return. Actually, it is almost impossible to see what is the nature of exchange taking place in any social interaction because most of these exchanges take place at an unconscious level.

I feel it is almost impossible to love anybody unless these ego boundaries of "I" meltdown. The whole world advocated on the contrary to make these boundaries stronger by gathering more money, power, and connections. In fact, how can we allow these ego boundaries to melt? wouldn't that be an end of "I", the death of "I". Why would somebody choose death? 

Death of a seed is necessary for the plant to grow. Similarly, the death of ego boundaries is necessary for us to grow to realize our potential. As "I" breaks free of its ego boundaries, it connects to the "whole", like a drop merging into an ocean. In that state, it gets ready to welcome the other drops which are willing to shed their ego boundaries. There is a complete union between two water drops that have shed their ego boundaries. That union is love. There is no "I or "you". There is just "love". 

However, there are layers and layers of these boundaries. Also, we have a very strong natural instinct to mirror. When we interact with a person with strong ego boundaries, somehow consciously or unconsciously, we mirror those boundaries. One feels vulnerable and fearful of losing the identity in a world with strong egos. One feels a threat to survival and as a natural defense mechanism, the ego boundary becomes stronger. However, in the process, one does not realize how one falls sick of auto-immune disorder where the same immunity that defends the body becomes harmful to one's own body.

Therefore in a world with strong egos, "love" appears to be a quite distant possibility. One will have to learn to "love" oneself to start loving others. Loving oneself is not possible till one is full of fear. Fear makes the ego boundaries stronger and moves us further away from "love". That is what is happening in this world. "Love" is not an impossibility but quite a difficult thing in this world. However, once a person dives a little deeper into the ocean of "love", one no longer remains interested in the ego boundary. When a person from the desert reaches the big lake, he is no longer afraid to lose the water it carries with utmost safety from the desert.